What is best for our children?
Everyone is feeling the uncertainty of the times. So much newness, so much to decide about, so much that seems frightening. For those of us working with children, whether as parents, teachers, childcare providers or other professionals, we can feel really unsure and filled with nagging questions.
This is not the first time historically this dynamic has confronted those charged with the care of children. We know parents and caregivers struggled to make the “best” decision for children when bombs were being dropped on London and it was possible to keep the family together in the city or to send your child accompanied by nurses to live with families in the countryside. And during the 1918 pandemic, choices needed to be made about following complete quarantine orders, isolated from all, or to defy city orders. In all cases, having the responsibility for deciding “what is best for our children” is an unnerving responsibility.
The good news is what we do know about infants, toddlers and preschoolers -- that their development will keep moving forward and that their need for relationships and connection that foster their sense of safety, self confidence and security does not change. The need for touch, for play, for laughter and for experiences supporting their growth and development are as strong as ever, especially when the world is a bit topsy turvy and changing. That is the reason the toddler is climbing on Mom’s back while she is on Zoom, or needs an immediate snack or lunch at 11:00 am while Dad is busy figuring out how to pay the bills.
What we know is that during these times of uncertainty, children need attention, need to feel cared for, and need to have those important connections that support them. The problem for the adults in their lives is how to make time, have the energy, and have the patience to provide it. And, if suddenly all the other sources of this time, affection and caring have disappeared or been greatly reduced, the challenges are significant. We are all feeling it.
It is worth figuring it out. We know that children who have done best in past crises (those who have not only survived, but have continued on the path to healthy physical and psychological growth and, actually, have developed valuable resiliency) have had caregivers who were able to meet their needs for love, connection, comfort, and even play and laughter.